all black everything.

@ Rumor's in Boston.

#dope

Looking for Alaska

Such a simple book I first read many years ago, but it's still a good read and one of my all-time favorites. Gives you something to think about.

A Time To Reflect..

I LOVE:
1. People. Everyone around me is beautiful. A reflection of me.

2. Good conversation. Stimulating and intimate talks with everyone and anyone.

3. Music that you can connect to. I like it even more if it is music you can sing to...(sometimes)

4. Devoting myself (even if it is rare). Even if just for a minute.

5. Experiences and looking back and analyzing.

6. My sisters who build me up. Help me be.

7. When there is work to be done. No matter how much I tell myself I hate it.

I love!

oh you not feelin' me? fine, it cost you nothing. pay me no mind.

stuck in the past.

The worst feeling in the world is to love and hate someone all at the same time. It's been almost a year and it took me that long for reality to settle in. It’s strange, but love is a strange thing. I began to do things I would never normally do. In the early stages, I would cry alone at random times and mope around my house for weeks. I knew I had to get out of this unhealthy situation I was causing myself. I was causing myself even more pain and grief because he hurt me and the heartache was already too much. I became irrational at times and made excuses for him. I assured myself that things would work out between us because I was afraid. I was afraid because it was hard to watch things change when all I wanted was for them to stay the same. Countless of people told me to just let go. I was foolish and reassured myself they didn’t know every little thing we had been through so they would never understand. I kept holding on and even when I thought I wanted to move on, I felt like I was stuck where I started. Yes, moving on takes time, but you’ll never move on if you’re still holding on to that tiny piece of bullshit hope. After a while, it hurt so much that I just wanted to get my mind off things. I began meeting up with old friends, going out all the time, and trying to fill the void inside. Months go by quickly and I still felt like I was doing a great job at letting go. I had been meeting new people and going out all the time.

Little did I know, I was still stuck. I didn’t want to believe it, but that was the truth. I still thought about him, checked up on him, talked about him and I never ever let anyone else get too close. Again, I was afraid. I was afraid and did not want to give up that small piece of hope that he would come back. Love can make you feel so small and as insignificant as humanly possible and it can ache in places you never knew you had inside of you. It doesn’t matter how many times you go out, how many people you meet, how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many shots of tequila you take with your girlfriends because you still go to bed every night going over the details of the past and wonder what if. Did you do something wrong? Could you have misunderstood and how in the hell did you think for an instance that you were even happy? Sometimes I did not even realize it, but I brought up his name often. Other people realized it and I just ignored it, thinking there was no harm to it. But it really was harmful and it posed a problem because it proved I was not letting myself move on. After a night out, a close friend and my sister sat me down. My friend blurted out that I really needed to stop this cycle I was creating and really move on now, or in other words, stop fucking holding on and get your shit together bitch! I was shocked because no one had ever been so blunt with me, but that was exactly what I needed. At first, I was angry at her words because I did not want to admit it. I was in denial. I was “over” him already and this was some bullshit she was trying to prove. But, then, I broke down and all the pain I had been bottling came pouring out. A year’s worth of hidden pain. That was just the wake-up call I needed. That’s when I realized I had been hurting myself this whole time. And for what? He was the one who fucked up on me. The one who didn’t deserve my love. He wasn’t having a hard time so why was I? I felt stupid. But that’s love. Love is stupid, love hurts, love is full of pain, and love is the craziest rollercoaster of emotions.

But then you learn. You learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t mean security. And you learn that you really are strong and that you really do have worth, and with every goodbye, you learn.

bucket list.

bucket list: A must-do list of life experiences we dream of completing before we end our time on Earth.

All this talking about living life, blah, blah, blah has really gotten me thinking, like damn what if I was gone tomorrow? What are some of the things I would want to achieve? What would be my meaning of actually living life? So, I came up with my very own bucket list. If I could do these things before my "time", I would really consider my life well lived...

-live in Japan for 1+ year(s)
-visit the pyramids in Egypt
-write a novel
-ride on a hot air balloon
-watch the sunset go down with someone I love
-drastically change someone's life
-swim with dolphins
-learn how to swim first
-spend a full day in a library
-adopt a child from a third world country
-witness something truly magical
-visit the Taj Mahal in India
-ride a camel in the desert
-spend New Year's in NYC
-ride on the back of a motorcycle
-visit the Himalayas
-learn how to play an instrument (preferably the guitar)
-teach English overseas
-fall in love fearlessly
-take cooking classes
-climb Mount Everest
-plant a garden
-take a spontaneous road trip
-go rock climbing
-go to New Orleans for Mardi Gras
-fly a kite
-go on a gameshow
-wake up extra early to watch the sunrise
-find true happiness*

living life.

I have been thinking a whole lot these days. Sad, but thoughtful thoughts. A friend of a friend passed away a week ago and a great deal of people I know have been quite upset and hurt. I did not know him personally nor did it ever strike me to talk to him when I saw him from time to time. I believe that no one ever really thinks about a person they barely know, but when the death is so sudden and the people around you are hurt and you just feel so sad for them that you begin to ponder....what if? How is his family and loved ones coping? Maybe if he decided not to go on that trip? What if I had talked to him, even just a hi, before he left this world? Would that change my thoughts about him? How can this happen to a person so young, someone you just saw the other day? and last but not least, Did he live his life to the fullest? For some reason, every time a person passes on, whether I know them, or just saw them on the news, or read it in a newspaper, young, or old, I wonder about the person's family, their life, and the way they lived it. And I really hope they lived their life the way they wanted because it's just sad to know if they didn't. You would be a chapter of people's lives, but they will move on. Not because they want to, but because life doesn't stop for anybody. So, you have to live, not for anybody, but for yourself because tomorrow really is never guaranteed and because life will go on without you. And that really is some scary stuff.

"Death is more universal than life; everyone dies, but not everyone lives" -A. Sachs

quote of the day.

You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one, I hope someday you will join us, and the world will live as one.

- John Lennon-

fire.

HOV is still that man.
Already Home, Thank you, Venus vs Mars = best tracks on the album.
oh, and I forgot Empire State of Mind.
I don't care what nobody says, Jay-Z is a lyrical genius
& he did it yet again.

real talk.

Don't let yourself get so angry that you stop loving
because one day, you will wake up from that anger
and the person you love won't be around anymore.

Just a thought.

Change is a funny thing. It happens to everyone as we grow up. We either find out who we are or we're not even quite sure of what we are becoming. Then one day, we just look at ourselves and wonder how we got here. I have made plenty of mistakes in the past and I'm still making mistakes to this day, but I'm learning something new about myself almost every day. I know I'm not the easiest person to get along with, but unless you have lived my life, don't judge me because you don't know, never have, and never will know every little thing I've been through.

Life changes, people grow up and grow apart, and I am still trying to accept it. Everyone takes different paths in life, but I believe we take a little bit of each other everywhere. I just think it's sad that people you know start becoming people you knew. When you can walk right past someone as if they were never a part of your life. How you used to be able to talk and now you can barely look at them. It's sad how things change so much, but sometimes you have no choice. You just keep the memories, but you also find yourself moving on. Change is necessary, but sometimes people don't realize how much they are leaving behind. Everyone should remember what used to be good because if we don't, we won't recognize it even if it hits us between the eyes.

things that made my day.

waking up extra early for breakfast.

floral skirts.

the enticing laugh of my baby sister.

random, afternoon naps.

first signs of Falling Leaves
(woop woooop Fall is coming soon!)

It's those simple things in life that make it all worthwhile...

high times.

Me and Tibet woke up this morning from a rainy, unsuccessful, unproductive night of party-hopping around Boston. We got nice for a lil bit, ate, slept, got nice, ate, watched tv, and went on Facebook. Now that's a productive Sunday.

LIFTED

back in my day...

I was sitting at the computer when my 11-year-old sister ran down the stairs. "The ice cream truck is here!" she shouted and jetted out the door. I smiled, remembering how I once also could not contain my excitement when I heard the beautiful jingle of the ice cream truck song. She came home, happy as could be, ice cream cone with jimmies in hand and all. Remembering this familiar feeling, I, too, wanted the same joy I once had felt. As I reached for my wallet, I asked my sister, "How much was it?" The next thing that came out of my mouth surprised the living shit out of me. "2 dollars?! Back in MY day, ice cream cost a dollar and a extra quarter for jimmies. Now THOSE were the days." After spilling these words, I choked just a little. Then I remembered. I remembered being just a youngin' and being lectured by my parents or grown-ups. I would have to bear listening to them talk nonsense about "Back in MY day, I had to walk 15 miles to get to school" or "Back in MY day, there were no computers, or Internet, or cellphones" and well, you get the point. I had vowed to myself that when I grew up, I would never ever give kids crap about how things used to be. That's when I realized at that exact moment. Fuck, I'm getting old.

kick, push.

Suite this Friday night
& then Marina Bay on Sunday.

Just had the best weekend. About to have the best week:)

Hallelujah!

A Sonic finally been opened in Massachusetts!
Our smart fat asses waited three hours in the damn cold, but it was so worth it.
When it comes to food, we don't play.

passing by Sonic and their crazy ass line on the highway

for the four of us...yes, I know we're mad fat

let's bring it back.

18 years young.

For Eva's birthday a few weeks ago, we had a nice intimate dinner at McCormick and Schmick's located at Park Plaza. The food was bombbb and then we went to karaoke after to sing our little hearts away! The next night, we brought her to club Orchid for her first clubbing experience. All I have to say about that is...NEVER AGAIN. The place is overcrowded, first of all, and I seriously thought I would die of heat stroke. But other than that, it's not a bad club. It's just that too much people go there since Boston doesn't have many 18+ clubs around. Eva still had fun though and that's all that matters! Happy birthday, Eva! Love you mucho :)

birthday girl =]

funny ish.

25 things that will improve your relationship with a girl

1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better." This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really, really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say "you better be." Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things; they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewelry is for pussies and Asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words '**** you, ' and grab the other girl's ass. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because I can."

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she's cold... but not by giving her your jacket, because then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say, "If you don't stop bitching about the cold right now, you're going to be bitching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. If you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she'll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order interrupt and say "No, she's not hungry". Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts... and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.

22. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.

23. Remember her birthday, but don't get her anything. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

24. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much, but I think it's funny.

25. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will ensure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited. Now don't call. That's also quite funny!

craving.

Jennifer went to NYC for a few days and upon her return, she asks me if I wanted anything in particular. The inner fat girl in me was calling. Thank goodness for White Castle burgers. yummy!!

late night movie.

One of my favorite films of all time...if only love was that simple.

"My Dearest Allie. I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I'll be seeing you. "

-Noah; The Notebook

"I am no one special. Just a common man with common thoughts. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who ever lived. I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul and for me that has always been enough."

-Noah; The Notebook

prayers.

The most important person in my life has been in and out of the hospital for the past year. My lovely grandmother is back on that road again. I love her like no other. She is my wing, my hero, my everything. I just hope she pulls through like she always does and comes back home again and again and again.

20 years ago,

on this day, I blessed this world with my presence ha ha ha! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEE. B)

Birthday celebration cut short.. yes, i know. me & my friends are hella classy :P!

"If I could press pause..."

knocked out.

My birthday pictures are officially up on facebook...thanks to my favorite 'ga-prik' phaleen! I had so much fun with the girls and they definitely made my night! Although I was passed out most of the night and don't really remember much, I'm still satisfied and happy. They promised to get me messed up and boy, did they fuck me UP! I'm actually really pumped for tomorrow...my official birthday. I'm having an intimate bbq with my favorite people and I just know it's gunna be a blast. But one thing is for sure, NO MORE PASSING OUT!

us getting ready...gotta have a mirror picture at the hotel, of course!

China, Tibet, and Cambodia...that henny black already got us feelin' ohh sooo nice

love my youngins' hahaha

group picture with all the girls...cheeeeeese!

more henny black...pregaming before hopping around boston

revolution rock bar

club umbria

damn leon got me sooo messed up with that shot of crown royale! haha

bumped into these losers...poor bee had to carry me out the club after I passed out lol

gangstaaaa

i was gettin' lap dances alllllll night ;)

we was long GONEEEE

still passed out and visiting Eva at Moon Villa for yummy food
...it was finally the end of a far too crazy night.