Lately, I’ve been feeling like I don’t know where we stand.
You ask yourself every question you can think of, what, why, how come, and then
your anger turns to sadness. When I think about our relationship, nothing comes
out but tears. I feel hopeless. I feel frustrated. I feel hurt. Relationships
are not supposed to be this painful so I don’t know why it feels like my heart
is breaking. I’ve tried and tried again to see it as just bumps along the road,
but it’s not that simple. Relationships usually don’t last not because things
changed, but because things don’t change; they stay the same. I don’t know if I
want to hold on and do this anymore. I’m tired of crying over and over again;
hoping that just maybe, tomorrow things will be a little different. That you’ll
hurt me a little less today than you did yesterday. Tired of all the fussing
and pain we cause each other. Words that may seem harmless, but pierces our
feelings like a fresh wound to the heart. Tired of the stubbornness and pride we
both seem too scared to let go of. It’s not that I am giving up on us. I’m just
so tired of fighting. Tired of trying and ending up with the same results…every…single…time.
The affection, sweetness, and the small things I used to
love feel like a blur. They no longer exist. Instead, it has been replaced by
tears of sorrow, regret, and resentment. I don’t want to stand here, hanging
on, when the very thing I held is disappearing more and more with each passing
day.
