empty

I think it's important to realize you can miss something, but not want it back.

static

I should warn you.

My heart feels like a waiting room and I’ve already
tried vodka, poems, and boys. Truth is, I am getting harder to love.

Yet, I like that you’re talking to me.
Because when you talk to me, my mind goes quiet.
You see, when my mind isn’t quiet, I get afraid.
And when I’m afraid,

I sleep with the television on, volume low

so the voices can’t quite touch me.
Everything is just static. I am okay, I tell myself, over and over again.
But what are words when I don’t even trust in myself?
And so, I’ll keep you close because attention is the only thing I can trust.
I’ll revel in the sweet texts and empty kisses.
Then I let my pain stay until it is ready to go,
until it says, “Enough of your love, enough already.”
So even before you decide to approach me, before you take one more step:

Let me warn you again. You cannot love me. Don’t even try.
Love will ruin you just a little bit. Just like love ruined me.

quote of the day

The three hardest tasks in the world are neither physical feats nor intellectual achievements, but moral acts: to return love for hate, to include the excluded and to say, "I was wrong." Sydney J. Harris

I love...

I don’t think I love

very many things but
here are the ones I
can think of:

I love the first sip
of coffee in the morning

I love reading someone
else’s words and finding
a connection in them

I love the feeling a
good song invokes

I love wondering

I love driving at night
with no destination

I love the gentle kind
of sadness like a reminder
that I can feel.

Don't Wait Three Days To Text First

“I’ve stopped being sorry for all my soft. I won’t apologize because I miss you, or because I said it, or because I text you first, or again. I think everyone spends too much time trying to close themselves off. I don’t want to be cool or indifferent, I want to be honest. If I love you at 5AM, I’d damn well rather that you know I felt it. If I love you two hours later, I’ll tell you then too. Listen, I won’t wait double the time it takes for you to text me back because I don’t want to. I don’t care enough to be patient with you. I’m happy, you made me feel that way, don’t you want to know? So that’s how it’s going to be. I’m going to leave myself as open as a church door. And I’m going to wake you up before the crack of dawn to tell you that I’m fucking joyful, no pretending, not from me, not ever. Would you like some coffee, would you please kiss me? Here, these are my hands, this is my mouth, it is all yours.” Azra T.

Being single is a choice

A lot of people get confused about the word “single.” They don’t know what it means, what it looks like and how they’re supposed to act during this “unfortunate state” they’ve found themselves in. To them, single is a status symbol meant to be escaped. It’s a status you’re not supposed to be comfortable in. It’s a status that’s just a step towards something better.

Being single isn’t about being alone, it’s about being by yourself. If you’re going to be single, do it right. If you’re going to stand alone when everyone is telling you to couple down, stand tall. Be f*ckng single. Rock the single life. Become the person you were meant to be. Show, by example, that you’re single by choice, not by accident.

It’s about finding passion in your life, not between the sheets.
The best part about being single is looking for that one thing (or multiple things) that will absorb into you and wrap itself around you. It’s going to be something you miss and yearn for the way you did an ex-lover. Only your passions will always love you back. It will never stray or leave you without warning. It will never become part of your life then disappear. Your passions are the only things that should come into bed with you before a man or woman.

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It’s about giving love away without needing it back.

Being single isn’t about looking for someone to love you, but rather, looking for anything and everything to love. It’s about loving everything you come in contact with. It’s about forging relationships that don’t need reciprocation and throwing you heart away without fear you won’t get it back. It’s about loving multiple people at one time while having a simultaneous love affair with your favorite books, movies and new passions.

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It’s about making yourself a better person, not someone else.

This is the time to look for healing, not for love. It’s the time that we use to make ourselves better, even if it takes five years to do. This time alone is when you should be working on making yourself whole. It’s when you should be exploring your weaknesses and flaws and building yourself into a better person. Because you can’t possibly try to make someone else better if you don’t know what’s wrong with yourself.

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It’s about devoting your life to one person, not two.

Being selfish is only a problem when you’re with someone. Being alone and worrying about yourself when you’re single isn’t selfish, it’s necessary. Your life is completely and totally yours, with no one to take up your time or tell you you’re wasting too much without them. Being alone and being in love with yourself is one of the most enviable relationships we can attain.

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It’s about adhering to your own schedule, not someone else’s.

It’s about eating dinner when you want, waking up when you’re ready and creating a life suited only around your own needs. There’s time to see old friends and hang out with people you wouldn’t otherwise see when wrapped up in a life for two. It’s not about going out and trying to find someone to pencil in. It’s about keeping your calendar as free and spontaneous as every couple could only envy.

Someone I used to love

A forest fire. A trail of open wounds and bruises, all deep red and vein green and full of hurt - mine or theirs, I'm not sure, maybe both. A drawer full of unwritten; letters, poems, lists of things we never got to do. A book on survival. Home. The color pink. An open door. That moment of clarity. A closed door. A star before it collapses into itself. A single heartbeat. Vacuum. The words, I love you, but in a different way now.